Outside the Box: Catching Up with Laura Lee Bahr

YAY!!!!

ladyboxbooks.com

Since Ladybox dropped, Vol 1 contributorLaura Lee Bahr has been keeping busy.
To say the least.

Her poetry chapbook AFFIRMATIONS was gorgeous addition to the set, and a little different from her other works.

Her first novel HAUNT has since been translated and released in Spain as FANTASMA.

She’s released her second novel from Fungasm PressLONG FORM RELIGIOUS PORN, and made her directorial debut with BONED, a film she also wrote.

You can watch the entire hilarious wonderful thing by purchasing it fromiTunes or Amazon now! 

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Cosmic Bruja by Leza Cantoral

“I am a child of the univers”

ladyboxbooks.com

Cosmic Bruja
By Leza Cantoral

art by shin taga Art by Shin Taga

Most dreams fade, but sometimes you have a dream that leaves an indelible impression upon the ridges of your mind, like footprints on wet sand. This is the story of one of those dreams, but in order to tell you the story of the dream I need to tell you the story of my first acid trip.

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A COMEDY TO THOSE THAT THINK, A TRAGEDY TO THOSE THAT FEEL

…and a bore to those who do neither.

Fungasm Press

I frequently quote a long-dead guy named Horace Walpole (1717-1797): a British politician and writer (as Wikipedia tells us) best remembered for writing the first gothic horror novel on record, THE CASTLE OF OTRANTO.

I haven’t read that book since I was 14 years old, and it barely stuck then, so I can’t argue for or against its merits. But what I can say is that he once uttered one sentence that has stuck with me, the whole of my life, more than almost any other. To whit:

The world is a comedy to those that think; a tragedy to those that feel.”

If there’s one thing I feel almost constantly at the mercy of — every bit as much as the weather, my physical wellbeing, or rampant cultural insanity — it’s sadness. SO MUCH FUCKING SADNESS, accrued to almost every single aspect of living that, frankly, the sorrow…

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5 Ways to Shake Off a Crappy Day

Connieology

imageThere is something happening. Maybe it’s the weather. Maybe it’s Donald Trump. Maybe it’s just the alignment of the stars. I don’t know. But it’s got a lot of us on edge and feeling a little beat up. I know that I’ve been feeling like I’ve lost my mojo. You know? That “I can’t do anything. There is nothing I can do. Doing is something that I can not.” feeling? It’s the worst. And I’m pretty much over it. You? Let’s do something then. I need a pick-me-up.

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THE ART OF THE BOOK TRAILER, FUNGASM-STYLE!!!

Fungasm Press

In a culture so bombarded and oversaturated with media that drowning in it is a full-time hazard, the only way for a plucky little small press publisher to get any attention is to BOMBARD IT SOME MORE!!! Only classy, ya know?

It is in that intrepid spirit that we present the first Fungasm Press book trailers. They’re designed to very quickly induce the suggestible viewer to go, “Oh, I wanna read THAT book!”

This morning, we released this mini-movie for Devora Gray’s HUMAN FURNITURE (AND THE QUEST FOR THE PERFECT WOMAN). In it, Scarlett (played by Devora herself) has a “Secret Spy session” in a swanky hotel with indie filmmaker Charles Pinion, who also edited the flick. I wrote, directed, scored, and performed the music with Marc Levinthal (who also engineered), Gavin Templeton on sax, and Laura Lee Bahr. It was a total blast to make, and captures the…

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Country is the new Rock n Roll (or, I prefer to drink Marie)

Friends, since the last time I posted i have – in vain – for a YEAR + to create this cocktail. It has been a fridge of concoctions: acai juice cocktail, sangria type mixtures, mixing cranberry with grape, Chambord with Jack, jagermeister with ice-cream (huh?) and then I’d given it up as a pipe dream I’d return to when that pipe-dreaming came back around on the guitar.

That time is now!

The answer was given me when I had stopped looking.  I Bahr-tended my bff’s bday party, and was creating a virgin drink for a lady with a wee bun in her oven, (she brought the juice and just asked for it in a cup with ice) when there before me was the most perfect shade of purple.  And it was sparkling.  Just like his socks circa 1978.

Image

The Donny Osmond1 part vodka (use absolute 100 if you want it to be Deadly Donny Osmond, add 1 Monster Berry/Red Bull if you want Dead and Kicking Donny Osmond)

3 parts TJ’s Sparkling Blueberry Juice

A cherry  (Just like Donny circa Puppy Love)

But wait… there’s more.  Two nights ago, as I tried to re-create the Donny Osmond with Pisco (doesn’t work)  I just threw together a cocktail, which turned out to be a lovely shade of pink and a little bit country.  But it was Famous Author Mykle Hansen who was smart enough to recognize that in looking for something I wanted to drink more than a Donny Osmond, I had created the Marie Osmond.

ImageIt is DELICIOUS:

The Marie

1 part whiskey (that’s your country- I used Spring Mill Bourbon distilled by Colglazier & Hobson, which is really a shame to mix with anything because it is so good straight)

2 parts Cherry Kombucha (yes, that I brewed myself)

1 part lemonade

Top of with Mandarin Lime Hansen’s soda (or any lemon-lime soda is fine)

Couple of cherries (just like D&M back in their “Bringing it All Back to You” days.

50 shades of purple

The quest continues for me to make a drink worthy of the title “The Donny Osmond”. It must be a drink that a.) I want to drink and b.) is a radiant shade of purple.
The quest has been on since my last post (so yes, over a month).

But in that month I have been heavily experimenting:

12/22/12

Obviously an appropriately named Donny Osmond should be a virgin drink—but, I was given help with this name by Ryan Siebrasse- credit where credit is due—the drink should be called The Stiff Donny Osmond.
What I have so far is a jar of rejected Donny Osmonds (some made with Jagermeister, cherry liquor, etc.) in the fridge—the “I’ll drink it if I am out of alcohol and desperate” b/c everyone knows I hate to throw alcohol away. (ditto post-it notes, receipts, gum wrapper I can write reminder notes on, etc.) so, in my fridge, next to my giant scoby for Kombucha (which I will get around to making again soon) I also have a discarded jar of Donny Osmonds. If the two mated, who knows what crazy healing and horribly hang-over inducing child they might have. Who would be crazy enough to try such a thing? (Hey- maybe this is my next drink! Kombuca/discarded D.Os.)
Right now the best I have is this:
Cranberry juice
Vodka
Squeeze of lemon (or it’s just waaaaay too sweet, even for the singer of Puppy Love.)
Sparkling Blueberry juice

This is drinkable- sweet, fizzy, and enough will knock your purple socks off.
But I am not satisfied. It’s not worthy of the title “the Stiff” for sure.

My friend Dan Adams suggested blackberry schnapps and I got an idea about using half an half.

12/29
Blackberry scnapps or blueberry crème de cassis, whiskey and 2% (or whole) milk. Like a white Russian but with whiskey and blackberry schnapps. Still WAAAAAY too sweet for me.

1/15
The experiments continue
Manhattan with blackberry scnapps instead of cherry brandy (but still has a cherry) is okay.

Senor Donny Osmond (very good!) Tequila, juice of one lemon, acai, club soda

Today
… Getting the right shade of purple is the difficult thing. The Senor Donny Osmond comes closest become Acai juice is the closest thing to that godly shade of purple. (And honestly, tastes the perfect way for a Donny Osmond. It is totally sweet- because it is most always mixed with a fair amount of sugar, but I wonder what it could do unsweetened. )

So …. it goes on. Last night I even experimented with strawberry ice cream and blueberry juice and jagermeister.
It’s rough work.
But somebody’s got to drink it.

Donny Osmond Touched Me

 

Growing up both Mormon and as a performing monkey, I was predisposed, if not pre-destined, to love Donny & Marie.  Now, they were before my time, somewhat, so that when I see clips of footage of the Donny & Marie show it harkens back to a time when my eyeballs were just learning to adjust to light and the like. Thus, why seeing Donny and Marie perform live at the Pantages reduced me to a sense of coming back into my subconscious so deep that I couldn’t tell what to attribute to collective Jungian unconscious and what was just my pre-personal youth.  Yin/Yang; Jung/young.   Right.

Anyway, there was Marie who is so sassy (even without her OG features because she has had her skin knifed and pulled up) wearing a kimono and standing on-top of some lit pyramid with a fog-machine fog all about her as she sings an aria from Madame Butterfly.  I was weeping because it felt like a dream I have had (I can hear myself telling someone about it “… and then there’s this woman singing this aria from Madame Butterfly and it’s Marie Osmond in a kimono… I know, right?) or that I had died and gone to my own personal David Lynchian heaven.

Donny and Marie both hugged and touched hands with so many people in the audience they were like some strange mixture between Amma and a politician. (Marie put on bright red lipstick and would kiss bald men’s heads.  For real).

And when the audience of 50% + septuagenarians reacted with the silence that would let the sounds of crickets be heard not tweeting when Donny asked “you all follow me on twitter, right?” I knew that at last my twitter account had a DESTINY.  (#Donny Osmond touched me!)  But I did lean over a very nice couple and look deep into Donny’s eyes even as they moved very quickly over mine to the throngs of people who needed his touch more than I did… and touched his hand.  And that touch totally touched me back in time, circa age 5 (but in the total opposite of creepy- because there is just nothing creepy about Donny Osmond) and reminded me why my first favorite color was purple.

And thus, with all the irony intended, I begin my quest- to make the perfect purple cocktail called “The Donny Osmond.”  I already know I should use grape juice.  But I really don’t like vodka or gin, so will whiskey go with Grape Juice?  Or is whiskey too much for someone who is just “a little bit” rock and roll?

You will soon find out.

 

 

Totally pressed flesh with me

Totally pressed flesh with me